I’ve had a few interesting conversations over the past few weeks around emotional fulfillment, or the fulfillment of our own emotional needs. It’s a dimension of our “psyche” that most often goes unnoticed ~ better said, it is an area of our life that for most, gets denied!
Every day, I am reminded of the consequences of what it means to live in a world filled with people, who are for the most part, deprived of the opportunities to learn and practice the fulfillment of ones own emotional needs. In my own opinion, I do not think that the majority of the population of the planet has a level of comfort or understanding around their own emotions.
The significance of this neglect ripples out as a series of tidal waves impacting all areas of our life and worldly experience. The symptoms of deprivation are mirrored by the depth and degree and absence of wellness or dis-ease that is present within our society both at a mental and physical level, and in the day to day experiences we have in our own interpersonal relationships.
The human body/mind – nervous system, is an amazing feet of biological evolution, with a sophisticated, inherent ability to “heal itself” when given the right environments and elements of support. The lack of understanding, skill and practice; or the tools or resources needed to maintain and enhance our emotional well being acts as yet another source of “disturbance” or “irritation” to the body/mind system, becoming a Petri dish for the perversity of disease to thrive.
As a Rebirther, I have had many years of experience and exposure witnessing individuals get in touch with, and process their own emotions to the point of integration. I have my own personal story of past depression and the ebb and flow of my present, day to day life experience, that provides me with a rich, ongoing, palette of opportunity to discover and understand the realms of my emotions and inner world; a way to navigate and bridge in healthy ways, the expression of intimacy in relationship that I have to the Self and life.
The “juicy” conversations of recent have been based on the observation that most human beings seek emotional fulfillment from others, that there is an obvious lack of personal skill, knowledge and practice, surrounding our own personal emotional needs and their fulfillment, which subsequently creates a perceived void within our psyche. This deprivation often results in an inherent addiction, to seek emotional fulfillment outside ourselves from another human being, activity or experience, to find the things that will substitute, replace or cover up our deepest feelings of lack and loss within.
Fulfilling our emotional needs is a learned skill. The absence of role models in our lives: persons who themselves are intimately versed in the skill and ability to touch, taste and feel in healthy ways, the diversity and gamut of their own emotional spectrum creates a vacuum of relevance that cannot be replaced or substituted itself; by another person, place or experience. Our desperation to fill this emotional void, leads us to make decisions and choices in life that often appear to act as temporary band aids, to the festering puss of wounds that lie within.
We often recognize the absence and neglect of our own emotional fulfillment, as a daunting “neediness”; to seek and find our emotional fulfillment in/from another; it surfaces in our day to day reality as a terminal disappointment; a dissatisfaction with our life experience and intimacy within relationships; as we hop from person to person, experience to experience and place to place, never quit quenching the thirst within. We seek comfort and safety in the harbor of another, not yet realizing that the turbulence lies within, that it is we ourselves that can only, ever, provide the necessary intimacy and nourishment that is needed to heal the perceived wound of neglect.
I have been blessed in my own life experience to have met and befriended a rare few role models and mentors; human beings who are clearly care, who are clearly in touch with, and know how to nurture their own emotional fulfillment to levels of resolution. They possess the deep understanding that comes from the wisdom of experience; the ability to skillfully navigate the rich spectrum and terrain of their past and present emotional memories and experience. In relationships, I have learned that it is unrealistic to expect the mirror of emotional fulfillment from another, when they themselves are not versed, present too, and understanding of, their own emotional needs.
The doctrine of emotional freedom lies in the realization that one can only ever find true emotional freedom from within; that, while others may mirror to us in healthy ways the necessary skills and abilities needed to elevate our own practice, experience and perception of emotional needs; we can never be dependent on, or rely on, another human being for our own emotional fulfillment.
The dearth of this topic is infinite; the conversation, ongoing. I have included a few questions to trigger further understanding with a transparent intention that the freedom can only come from within. May you blaze new trails of understanding and be blessed in your own life with role models that lead you to the experience and mastery of emotional freedom…
Do you have a legacy of mentors in your life, who role modeled for you, healthy emotional skills?
Are you comfortable being vulnerable in your communications with others, can you share the pain of your past as easily as the joy of your present?
Do you presently surround yourself with friends who honor, encourage, listen and respond too your deepest feelings, while also supporting you in the highest aspirations you have for your Self and life?
Do you enjoy and make an effort to spend time alone; can you be alone?
Can you sit with, be present too, and navigate the spectrum of your own emotional landscape, anger and sadness as well as joy?
Where does your neediness lie?
When does you loneliness surface?
Can you translate the language of your own emotions in a way where they inform you, rather than determine who you are being?
How do you personally nourish your emotional landscape?
“In the silence of a quiet mind, all emotions, thoughts, and deeds come to their final end; when the body is still, there are no thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, associations or memories; the fabric of your true nature is finally expressed…”
(c) Copyright – Michael Sean Symonds. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.