Insight #39 ~ ZEN Shredding…




Don’t be dependent

on your ‘posse’.



If we put people on pedestals and then expect them to live up to our standards, this often turns into a dose of disappointment.  To have friends that value and honor you is a good thing.  To imagine that you can rely on someone in all situations and circumstances, indefinitely, is an unrealistic expectation. It’s OK to immerse yourself, but detrimental to enmesh yourself in relationships.


Extended commentary:


On many levels, I do not think it is healthy to rely on one person for all things.  While there may be a need and desire to want all things from one person, I have found that when you have embraced a level of success taking care of your own needs first, you will be freed to enjoy in a detached way, the opportunity to receive from all “other” relationships.


Our conditioning provides us with the erroneous but romantic notion that one person or source will provide us with all that we want and need in life; in most cases this serves only to undermine the possibility for any relationship to flourish in an unconditional way.


Building relationships with a variety of people allows multiple levels of your experience and nature, to be nurtured in healthy ways.  When your circle of relationships is diverse and varied, there is a greater likelihood that you will experience deeper levels of fulfillment and meaning in your life as those multiple mirrors reflect back to you the depth of Who You Are and who you can be and the less chance there is of a psychic expectation of neediness being projected; that it “all” come from one particular person.


Someone once suggested that our karma is determined more by the people we surround ourselves with than by past experience.  While I no longer believe in the concept of karma itself, from my own experience and witnessing the lives of others I can see why such an observation would be made. 


The “Posse” of people we surround our self with by nature, has a corroborating influence on the way we think, feel and act in life; the impulses of who we were, who we are, and who we want to be, can often be stimulated in successful and not so successful ways, by our most prominent peers.  The greatest trap within our most important relationships occurs when we become too attached to a particular relationship, where a healthy interdependence is replaced by dependence.



 What dependency or attachment do you place on the relationships you value the most?


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The Essentials of a Good Life…



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